“The secret to happiness is to focus on what you need!”
Diane Faist, Dianergy
At first glance, this ‘focus on what you need’ mentality sounds very selfish and greedy. However, it is actually the exact opposite. Some of us are people pleasers, putting the needs of others above our own needs over and over and over. And while that may sound humble or idealistic, it is actually a recipe for exhaustion, frustration and sickness.
Yes, there are times when we all go out of our way for another on occasion — which is lovely. And that is honorable to say the least. But if dropping your internal focus and serving others regardless how you feel becomes a chronic pattern, it is destructive on so many levels. And you will pay a toll, a large one.
Speaking from a lifetime of people pleasing behaviors, I now realize that no one really benefitted. We were all pretty miserable. My lack of self-care, resulted in my inability to help others as I desired. Plus, much more than I wanted to realize at the time –– I became dependent on those closest to me for my own basic needs and happiness. Yikes!!!
Now is the time to make a priority and a habit out of quiet time with yourself. Maybe you meditate daily, which is awesome. But I find I also need more quality “me” time. One of my favorite ways to spend me-time is in nature. I am also a fan of visualizations and using instrumental music (I’m experimenting with ‘study music’ playlists), So, close your eyes and take some deep breaths… Dig deep, ask those powerful questions. Why am I here? What do I really want in my personal life? My free time? In my relationships? For my education/career? Or my creativity? Listen to those quiet loving answers you receive. Start small and build over time if that is easier for you. The answers may come fast, or more likely will come over time. The magic is to dream big, listen and have faith. I’m rooting for you!
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This article is from my weekly Illuminated Insights column on the Reiki Awakening Academy web site.